I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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