So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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