i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we're making bets on your personal life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
