No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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