Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
