seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
