the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My dick has a subreddit
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
