Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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