I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
