The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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