im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
