How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
