after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
