Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
