Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's the barista slut.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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