I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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