Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I looked at my own cervix.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
