well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
