i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
