he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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