Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my poor anus
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
