It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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