hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
