Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
