we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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