Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
