My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
