The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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