he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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