There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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