New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
