I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is this like a preordered booty call?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
