I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
