So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
