come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
