3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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