if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There was a lot of him and a little penis
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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