How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
