walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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