there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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