He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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