im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
