dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
