he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
