the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
