Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
