my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
