Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
