Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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