if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
