The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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