it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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