i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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