As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
