2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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