clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
