another moral hangover. fuck.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
