yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
